12/11/13

Smile for no love has lost under no mans terrain. Forgive injustice under pursuit of happiness. You took a step forward to live a questionable doubt. Risks are a trial of rebellious accusations under our own smell. For he would be gracious of scent of light thrown fireballs into his sparkle. 

I let go

She Let Go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.She let go of the fear.  She let go of the judgments.  She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.  She let go of the committee of indecision within her.  She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go.  She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.  She let go of all of the memories that held her back.  She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.  She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore. -ernest holmes

Excuse me

Edgy blunt words blurt freely from my lips...
I smirk..
Did you just take a step back?
Puzzled look upon your fragile face...
Did I bother you?
Heart starts to beat at a rapid pace...
Cat got your wet tongue?
I stare directly at your pupils.
I pierce through your confused soul.
Why do I have this god forsaken power over you?
Never attempted to do so.
Never to be not one with you.
Therefore I freeze without a soft whisper.

Racism is a brutal word.
Criticism is evil.
Judgement serves no purpose.
Beauty verses ugliness has no reason.

Would it be easier for you to lose your sight?
Driven to rely on what you sense.
Taken down to inhale someones scent.
Eager to reach out to grasp anothers warmth.
Cats tongue now needing to taste.
Your ears hear a little clearer now?

Drama drama drama
Television television television
News news news
Newspapers
Magazines
Government
Change change change
Hatred hatred hatred
Jealously jealously jealously
Pears
Friends
You
Excuses excuses excuses

Excuse me
Excuse...
ME.

Red hands Walk off the earth

Watch "Red Hands - Walk off the Earth (Big Guitar Version!)" on YouTube

Oh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loaded
I know that I messed up a few times or watcha wanna call it
I know if I fell down, you'd change the way that I saw it
I put it on the line for this time only(Is that what you really want?)
I can't see that I got red hands, I'm colorblind singing (day-oh)
Don't put the blame on me, child, the damn thing gone wild (day-oh)
Never wanted to be fooling you, can't believe I was ruining you-oo(Is that what you really want?)
Oh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loaded
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
The fire burns, I'm not the one with the match, man
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
Oh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loadedI've seen it all before, you back out, and everything's changingI needed something more, you stepped down, so what are you chasing?
I'd put it on rewind for this time only(Is that what you really want?)
I realize that I got red hands, I wanna change this (day-oh)
Don't ask me why I choose to lie, I stay blind, oh (day-oh)
It's clear to me that you are fuming too, your accusations are burning through-oo(Is that what you really want?)
Oh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loaded
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
The fire burns, I'm not the one with the match, man
That gun is loaded, but it's not in my hand
Oh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loadedOh yeah, oh yeah-ah, that gun is loaded

Surrender by the New Moon

I hault
Step back and drop down
Hand over the guns
I surrender to you
I realize I have no control therefore I stop
No more running, drowning in the hole that sucks me in
No racing to what I may think is right
No hesitations
Never to doubt all the signs ever
I am not able to reach the finish line until I give in
I will now listen
Forgive me again
I will actually take my first deep breath in
To see what is standing right in front of me
Quiet my ego and exhale
I clearly see the lesson
Still..
Bewildered...
Struggles...
Pain...
Knocks...
Visions...
And it won't stop
No
Oh
It won't stop
Until I hear you
Until I understand
Open my door that has been closed shut
Roll the windows down
Let the air in gracefully
Please be gentle on me
I ask for guidance
I have no choice
No excuses
No more questions
This time I truly let go
Patience is a virtue
Strength kills fears
For this is my new moon
My new beginning
Thankyou

Photo by LA Olson

Fire Works Lightening

Lying on the dirt I am amazed by your colorful light. I watch and listen to your pounding heart. Patiently waiting for the next bang. You get louder and louder drowning out my blood. I lie for I am able to understand you. You surprise me with your new delight. Hours and hours go by and you continue to filter through my ears. Are you not tired of being known? You have made your entrance clear. All of sudden you are no longer there but some other energy has replaced you. Much brighter, stronger, full of vigor and strength. You do not take up only a part of my sky but fill the entire space. Piercing diagonally I never knew you broke up in that way. The smell I inhale becomes familar. You continue reassuring me that you are near. You make no noise but seep through my veins even with my eyes shut tight. Gracefully you outshine the depths of my soul quietly but fiercely. Lightening you are... Beautiful...

Look up Chin up

For lips move worlds..
For daybreak shakes hidden souls...
Words kisses slips through breath...
Light darkness mingles in depths of the unknown...
Pierce her heart with a beat she never knew...
Pound on her drum with fight...
Out loud you will move a mountain...
Breaking the wall that has grown...
Chances promises questions doubts fears hopes dreams leads...
Lightening strikes more than once while thunder will follow through...
Rain falls hard while clouds will hang listless above...
Drain the water with lightening fire...
Diminish the condensation that lurks mid air...
Light rays are beautiful when able to shine...
The colors of love take flight
Soon to disapear...
Soon to be missed...
Soon to be gone...
Act now for tomorrow may be never near...
Rainbows only appear by luck...
When the noise stops and silence whispers in your ear...
Look up..
chin up...

Turn off all the lights

I sit in the dark...
All lights diminished...
Burned out...
Dwindling specks of light flourishing through the creases...
I mingle with the depths of forbidden thoughts...
Purged through the frequency of the heart...
Beating skipping fluttering...
Thrown in the entanglement of justice...
Surveying the priceless moments of exuberant encounters...
Beating the impediment gestures of decisions...
Floating to the surface back to the inner realm...
Repeating to my light...

I forgive you...
(Taking a deep breath in)
I forgive you...
(Exhaling the air out)
I forgive you...
(The past is now gone)

I forgive myself...
(My tongue starts to tingle)
I forgive myself...
(The lips crease upwards)
I forgive myself...
(The future has now begun)

Forgive me
(I sincerely am sorry)
Forgive me
(For my darkness will now shed only love)
Forgive me
(This resonance is dispersed)
Forgive me for now I am in the present..

Where light will know no darkness that diminishes purpose...
Where turbulent waters will not be able to drown the depths of the soul...
Where fighting and ignoring the signs of of truth will not be able to sucomb to excuses...
Turn on the lights...
Tune into the present...
Follow the ???????

Drink more water

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Like a moth to a flame..

Beauty resists hidden behind the depths of one soul...
Life encounters the lonely shelter of the frame...
Do I dare to sucomb to the listless nights of desire?
Be taken by the energy of the residue...
Dragged down into tempation of fire...
Relentless pursuits of dwindling demeanor. ..
Ignite the flame driven to repent ...
Throw the branches into the light...
Entangle enable fight or flight...
Preacher speaks of his opinionated views...
World forsaken from their sneaky objectives...
Clouds continue to move...
Darkness hangs high over the horizon...
Stillness is captured and erupts...
Water puts out fire...
Fire melts metal...
Metal disrupts wood...
Wood balances this earth...
Earth survives by droplets of water...
We will not be forsaken by this cycle...
Destiny...
Fate...
Just be...
Love and light...

Thankyou again...

Bio now on the link below. I have been blessed to be able to assist in peoples healing over the past few years with distributing the biomat to many. I thank my rep again for allowing me to be an affiliate on her page. Many of you have been mentioned in my previous blog titled thankyou but not necessarily have read it. Therfore I ask you to go back and read it. Alot of you have helped me to get to the here and now and I could have not done it without you.  FATE always brings people into my life for a reason. There's been many changes flowing into my life where in the last week I have been able to finally since I started this blog been able to live them. I am a creative artist who was not using her gifts. I went to school for photography but am now in school for an acupuncturist. But I realized I do not have to do one or the other. I do not have to put one on the back burner. I can join them together by helping people.  I wrote to you over and over again what I knew to be true. But when I was able to erase and let go of fear was I able to smile. From down on my knees blog to getting off of the ground I took a major leap of faith. I no longer question.I no longer second guess myself. I listened to what I knew to be true. I listened to my intuition and my heart. I listened to the signs. I will not be a victim of unhappiness. I know what I need, want and have the drive for in life. Therefore I will work on it and I will get it and conquer.

I may fall down again. I may trip. I may stumble over my two feet. I may make a stupid decision. I may sit down for too long and wallow. But I will never stay down on my knees for that long again. Yes you never know what will happen or will tragically be thrown at me but this time I have more faith and acceptance from the higher power. I now listen to my own advice written. Therefore I invite you to listen to my words spoken. I invite you to let me assist in your own healing. Click on the link below to learn more of what I have to offer.

My guitar teacher once told me after I cried that I was not able to sing "Everyone is able to sing. Do not compare yourself to others. Your voice comes from within. Now breathe and sing from your stomach. LISTEN... Sing from your heart. Let it out and do not be scared"

My reiki teacher told me after a day of training one on one "Do not even think of trying to heal others until you heal yourself. Practice for a year on others while practicing on yourself. One day you will JUST wake up and know from within yourself. Then you will be able to step up to the next level and assist in other peoples healing"

Two beautiful people who have changed my life. A muscian and a healer. Thankyou Bruce and Rebecca:)

http://thebiomatstore.com/heatherhickson.php

New moon New beginnings...

As I'm leaving
A change comes on my eyes
These streets persuading me
With mumbled strange goodbyes
Through the water
Through the rain
To the SOUL of everything
Throw my heart out on the stones -david grey

I smile I laugh at stupid things...
I see through my three third eyes...
Yes I learned we have three...
I breathe I inhale calmly now...
I stand calmly on all four limbs...
Yes our hands and feet need each other...
I am the I am...
I am love
I am delight
I am life
I am light-heather hickson

Happiness

What makes you truly happy? Please comment... And don't link your response to a human please...
Love and light♥♥♥

Imagine

I hope some day you will join us... and the world will be as one♥♥♥

BENEATH YOUR BEAUTIFUL

Watch "Labrinth feat. Emeli Sandé - Beneath Your Beautiful" on YouTube

My new favorite song! Click the link above to listen to and watch..
You are all beautiful to me!

Be present...
Listen always...
Let go of your boundaries...
Do not be scared...
No hiding where no one will see you...
Try again like you are brand new...
Be like a child who is desparately curious...
Children know no better...
Nobody wants to waste any ones time..
But don't waste your own precious time either...
Don't seperate yourself from race...
Hug and love as if you just stepped into ether for the first time...
The other color will look at you or may not with head down...
Your job is to raise their cervical spine by reaching out...
First time you may be given that dirty look or cold shoulder...
Pay no attention...
Remove the wall...
Look them in the eye and smile...
Next time smile with more love and kindness...
Sometimes it takes a little time...
Continue...
They start to drop their guard...
They are hesitant...
They are scared...
They question...
Never give up on becoming one...
Then they drop a bit of their wall...
Trust pours in...
Love comes in...
Friendship is created...
Now you are laughing hysterically...
Now he or she smiles back...
Now you see no color...
Now they see no pigment...
Wall is completely gone...
It is possible...
Truth be told always;)

"I'm going to climb a top your every tower. I will hold your hand and we'll jump right out. Falling falling falling but that's ok"- labrinth

BELIEVE ALWAYS

Sometimes we stop believing... Whether it be in ourselves, others or things... I painted this canvas last night because I wanted to remind myself to never stop believing or give up the fight...
So what am I or you to believe?
First you believe in yourself...
Secondly that is all you need...
Thirdly this is still what you need..
Bring forth your energy conjured inside your soul and believe silently alone all you are able to project deep down inside and KNOW it, OWN it, FEEL it and STICK with it...
ALWAYS!!!

Who am I now? The Bull is out

I know I am a few short days late describing where I am now but the timing was not right. So I waited a week or two after I turned 34. Mmm.. maybe a little more but who's counting? I am truthful and I will tell you in words in a blog or to your face who I am in this present being. If you want to question or are just curious ask me...
Why now in the morning do I decide to finally write?
Well again monster headphones are around my ears and what randomly is playing?
Christmas canon in d....
Yes winter is over and spring has begun...
Thankyou christmas night friend for being my rock also.
I felt safe with you. I hid upstairs in the club lounge corner because I knew you could easily put a smile on my face. You would not lie nor hurt me. After being crushed to pieces that xmas afternoon I found the way up to you. I may have forgot you in my thankyou blog therefore I want you to know that I will always be thankful for your being. Your innocence brings too much noncents to my table though...
So where am I now? Mmmm... where are you? Does anyone know? I write my dam blogs from my phone lying on my stomach because I can no longer connect to my neighbors internet service. This yellow old rug is still comfortable though at least...
All kidding aside I wake up now chanting over and over "I love my life I love my life I love my life" Followed by " Thankyou thankyou thankyou" In the shower "Sa ta na ma"
I am trying to stay in the present and being grateful for all I have and all that I am worth. I continue to work on my destined path and believe I will and am if not already there. When you let destiny and your higher self arrange it for you, you accomplish.  When you pray and continue to believe and believe and believe some more that some day everything and everyone will fall into place because you gave your whole heart and soul and never gave up you willl succeed. I have climbed a big mountain to get to the here and now. I am almost to the top. So close... I am not going to lie to you, it takes work and commitment but anything is possible if you believe in yourself.  What did I say? YOUR SELF YOUR SELF YOUR SELF!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKES YOUR SELF HAPPY:)
So this is where I am now. When I laugh these days I snort through my nose and my friends laugh at me. I am alone some times and I just smile or laugh at my self peacefully... Either way I am taking it in... But this time I am waking up knowing that my angels are always with me with their subtle signs they send me... Knowing that each day there is always a new surprise in store for me...Knowing that I am ready to take it all on and in over and over...
The only difference is this time I am ready... I am not going to fight it anymore...This is who I am...Love it, like it or move on...The bull is out..Happy solar eclipse new moon in taurus my sign to all...love and light♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Bring illumunation to someone's darkness

Matthew 5:13-16, "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.” (14) "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. (15) Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. (16) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.” (14) "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. (15) Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. (16) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Karmic Full moon today!

Happy Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio April 25th 2013! | MYSTICMAMMA.COM : consciousness, spirituality, wisdom, inspiration

Coming up to the full moon again...

Hold on to what you are Forget what you are not

Watch "Macklemore- Cowboy Boots Kinetic Type" on YouTube
"Cowboy Boots"[Intro]And we drink and get older
And some of us even try to get sober
Now here's to the assholes and the last calls
Well, city kids, you get what you ask for[Bridge]
And acquaintances turn to friends, I hope those friends they remember me
Hold the night for ransom as we kidnap the memories
Not sure there is a way to express what you meant to me
Sit around a table and use those years as the centerpiece[Hook 2x:]
Sounds of the city on Capitol Hill
Where I question if what I'm seeing here is real
Cowboy boots doing lines at the bar
Where the time goes slow when you're drinking PBR[Verse 1]
Hold on to what you were, forget what you're not
The streets were ours that summer, at least those two blocks
Reminisce on those days, I guess that's OK, you wonder why
Some grow up, move on, close the chapter, live separate lives
The twenty-something confusion before the suit and tie
Strangers become mistakes but those mistakes made you feel alive
Hindsight is vibrant, reality: rarely lit
Memory's a collage pasted to the glue that barely sticks
Good Lord, they broke all my shields
Locked bathroom doors, graffiti, and high heels
Until you felt that altitude you don't know how high feels
Party mountain, some don't ever come down from around here
To be young again, I guess it's relative
The camel lights, the whiskey rye, sink into the skinI fantasize about a second win
Grow a moustache, pick up another bad habit and let the games begin[Hook 2x][Verse 2]
So here's to the nights, dancing with the band
Strangers into girlfriends from a one night stand
Brought a little liquor and turn up the Johnny Cash
You could bring a receipt to Heaven but you cannot take it back
And this is life, this is real, even when it feels like it isn't
I'd be a goddamn liar to say at times I didn't miss it
So deuces, I turn my back as I walk into the distance
Dip my feet in every once in a while, just to say I visit
Come and hold onto these nights
Trying to find our way home by the street light
Over time you figure out this is me, right
Learn a lot about your friends right around two A.M
And acquaintances turn to friends, I hope those friends they remember me
Hold the night for ransom as we kidnap the memories
Not sure there is a way to express what you meant to me
Sit around a table and use those years as the centerpiece[Hook 2x:]
Sounds of the city on Capitol Hill
Where I question if what I'm seeing here is real
Cowboy boots doing lines at the bar
Where the time goes slow when you're drinking PBR

Symbolic meaning of 34

Naming of a son
Thunder over heaven
Spiritual warrior
Power of the realization of man
Symbolizes the axis of the world
The truth/holy spirit [3] over all four [4] corners, or simply: =LUCK
Manifesting your desires and energies
Ability to create your own realities

34 = 3+4 = 7
Seven is the number of a perfectly completed cycle, as each phase of the moon lasts for seven days
The idea of perfect timing and the ordering of nature is expressed with the numeric union of the 4 (symbolic of Earth in Chinese philosophy) and 3 (symbolic of heavenly attribute).

Thank you to everyone who has left an imprint in my being...

Continued from previous blog Down on my knees...

After I cried all the tears from my eyes until my eyelids were puffy, I got off my knees and stood up. You can't stay down forever. The floor starts to get uncomfortable or cold. It was a good idea at the moment to feel closer to the earth but then at some point the in between the floor and ceiling looks even better. Sometimes you just need to let it all out until there's no more in you. Yes I wallowed on my bed that day doubting and questioning myself. But don't we all at some point in our lives? A few days later a good friend heard in my voice that I was not myself and immediately got on the plane to come visit me for the weekend. (If I have never thanked you dear friend, I thank you now yauhen, for being my angel). Things started to look up after that and I started school...

I have been hesitant on how to word the seven years of my life and next couple blogs till i am 34 without offending anyone but I am still 33 and if you go back to last years blog at this time the number 33 is all about the truth. Therefore I am going to take it all the way with the truth from my deep heart...

Did you know that every seven years your life starts a new cycle and a new beginning?
What did I accomplish or do in seven years?

1. I was certified as a Reiki master teacher (thank you Rebecca Lopez for for bringing me through all levels and changing my life)
2. I became a certified level three integrated energy therapist (thank you Michelle McCarthy for the most memorable experience of feeling the angels)
3. I fell in love, shared many wonderful moments and got engaged (thank you Eli for the time we spent together)
4. I have attuned and taught nine people reiki one (thank you Amber, Jennifer, Jessica, Zarik, Arrianne, Sylvia, Drea, Marcella and Kristina for allowing me to be your teacher. It was an honor to teach such amazing women)
5. I started blogging the truth and sharing my thoughts (thank you Nahum for exercising my words to speak more from my heart and not my mind)
6. I graduated with a Ba in alternative medicine and science (thank you Everglades and the friends I made there)
7. I started attending the cavalry (thank you Nora for sharing a beautiful place and being the wonderful friend that you are to me through your kindness and enlightenment. I will miss you though when you leave)
8. I ended the engagement and five year relationship
( thank you mom dad amber brandie Taina and Nora for being my rock Thank you grandpa for becoming a closer grandfather to me)
9. I for the first time tried acupuncture in the state of Fl (thank you Linda, Isaac, Leah, Noah and Eli for the times you put a smile on my face and for when the yin and yang flowed together)
10. I have made many new friends and lost good ones (thank you Brandie for sitting down outside that night on new years and becoming my new good morning [now that sounds like we are lovers but you get it like you know what a true, honest, loving friend is suppose to be with laughter and light] Thank you Jennifer for being placed in my life as a fighter but also a giver who truly deep down is a compassionate friend to me. Thank you Dock for being a friend who knows her value in life and has shown me mine as a dear friend to have)
11. I enrolled in acupuncture school and will graduate on the same date that I moved here seven years ago in August ( thank you class 2013 for being in my life and sharing many great moments. I am very happy to have met each one of you and been placed with a group where each and everyone of you are unique and have left an impression on me)
12. I became a distributor of the biomat which has helped many people reverse their illness (thank you marilyn Cobb for guiding me)
13. I have helped cancer patients but lost one dear one to brain cancer (rest in peace with love and light Kristina)
14. I met Taina who was my first friend in Fl (thank you Taina for finding my FATE sarcasm to be amusing and for being the beautiful friend of seven years like no other. You have been there for me through thick and thin and continue to always do so)
15. I became a certified food healing instructor which has opened a new door to managing people's disease and diet (thank you Jeff and the vitamixer)
16. At this point my brain is starting to hurt trying to remember the last seven years so I will just go to 21 my lucky number (thank you my angels for showing me numerological signs continuously lately knowing I am on the right path)
17. I missed my mother father sister and family the most in these seven years (thank you dad mom and amber for always standing by me, helping me, listening to me and being there for me no matter what. Thank-you amber for becoming closer to me as a lovely sister You three are the world to me and I love you)
18. I am so happy to bring all these modalities together when I become a certified acupuncturist to help heal others (thank you mom and dad for believing in me and lifting me up)
19. I picked up my guitar again and began playing music (thank you sorrow, hatred, confusion, joy and love for showing me these emotions)
20. I started painting beautiful pictures on canvass (thank you creativity, passion, drive and inspiration)
21. I have never regretted again my life since the day I was down on my knees. Everything and everyone has taught me a lesson and made me a stronger person, healer, lover, cook, artist, fighter, writer, player, musician etc. Thank you everyone who I have came in contact with and knows me. You have all at some point left an imprint in my life even if I have not mentioned your name.)

Down on my knees...

I explained to you in the last four blogs the moment I went from being down on my knees to lifting my head up again with shoulders back and light that once flickered in my eyes restored. I shared with you Reiki and integrated energy therapy that I practice and teach. What else? For some of you just starting to read my blog, my goal over the past week is to quickly bring you to the here and now of my life by the age of 34 on Sunday. Three days left.. What will I cover?
1. The last seven years
2. What I have accomplished
3. Significance of the number 34
4. Where I am at now and no more of the past
5. Why I feel the need to briefly share part of my life story

Well now we are at about age 27 when I decided to sell most of my belongings, drive my vw beetle without sleeping all the way down to Fl on the highway, get back on the plane and drive the uhaul down the following weekend to move to boca raton fl. I out of a whim decided I was going to leave everything behind me, start something new and carry on with what I love to do in my life. I was making very good money as a bartender/cocktail server/waitress at high end Italian restaurants and lounges but decided I couldn't live this life forever. (Go back to my money blog) Just when I decided to leave I was offered a job to run a new lounge owned by one of the Italian restaurants I was working at but I still believed this business was not enough for me. I have been in food and beverage since the age of sixteen. You can do the math on how many years its been if you have been following me;) (18 yrs!!) Dam I could write a book just on the customers alone lol Never mind the fact I could run a restaurant/bar like no other! Needless to say part of those 18 years, the last five years have been contributed to faithfully bar-tending and serving at a tiki bar at a hotel while doing banquets and restaurant work while being underpaid.
Why did I move to south Florida? I needed to take a risk and change. I had to make a choice to stay stuck or take a chance. Therefore that is just what I did. I enrolled in Everglades university to finish my BA in alternative medicine and science. I already had an associates degree in science plus a year in photography school. All I did with those credentials was a few weddings, portraits, com cards and band photos. Again photography was not enough for me. I did not want to spend my days with brides who acted like their wedding day had been the most stressful day of their life when it should be just one of the many happiest days. (I could do a blog alone on this subject but for now will try to keep my opinion to myself)
So when I arrived in south Florida, I had two weeks before I started school at Everglades. What did I do in those two weeks? I became depressed and distant. I knew nobody in my new town. I went to the beach, lingered at the pool, went for walks, faithfully did my pilates video, continuously got lost when I drove because everything looked the same to me and put together my new apt. My new hangout was whole foods because we didn't have that " whole paycheck" store near us up north and I would occasionally go out to dinner solo to talk to people. I was all good in those two weeks until one day I found myself crying to tears in the middle of the day on my bed that I just put the canopy frame on. I remember that day as it happened yesterday. I just sat there sobbing uncontrollably wondering did I make the right decision to leave my family and everyone I loved? Was I being selfish and didn't think of their feelings and how they may feel me leaving them? Did I not think any of this through? What am I doing and did I just run away? Am I going to be happier here? Am i really thousand of miles from my home town? The continuous questions and sorrow just poured through my heart that afternoon as I sat on my bed....
To be continued...

"In case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this his my heart, bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees" -jewel

What is Integrated Energy Therapy?

So I told you about Reiki and though I did not write this particular article on IET nor do I remember who wrote it, I still would like to share because it explains IET well. I am explaining in these few blogs what I do following "This is my story blog"...

Integrated Energy Therapy® (IET) is a safe, gentle, nurturing way to empower and balance your life by helping you release patterns of the past for good. Feelings and sensations are stored in the cells of the body much like facts are stored in the cells of the brain. Negative or traumatic experiences, stress, unexpressed emotion, fear, anger, resentment or self-limiting beliefs can become "stuck" (or suppressed) in the body and inhibit or disrupt the flow of vital life force at a cellular level. These energy blockages limit our experience of life and can result in a lack of spontaneity, energy depletion, a feeling of unrest, agitation or dis-ease. IET uses a unique Cellular Memory Map® to target specific areas in the body where these "cellular memories" are stored, helping to release them on all levels - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. As these blocks are cleared, the suppressed charge of energy dissipates and your energy field is re-balanced. The more your energy body opens and vital life force can flow freely through it, the closer you move to a natural state of being: pure joy. How IET Can Be Used  Increase your sense of well-being, life purpose, happiness, creativity, health and prosperity Painlessly identify and release your deeply suppressed feelings and your core cellular memories Have more fulfilling, loving relationships in all areas of your life Discover and live your Soul's mission in life Support your self-healing at all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual Provide gentle yet powerful support for survivors of childhood traumas such as physical and sexual abuse, alcoholic and dysfunctional families Increase your connection to the loving and nurturing spirit of the Divine Remove limitations so that you are empowered to live your best life Release the Trauma Without the Drama One of the benefits of IET is an opportunity for you to be free of the story that you tell yourself and others about your life and the world that you live in. The stories that we maintain often create dynamics in life where it is as if you are functioning under a spell. The vibrations of particular energy blocks maintain old ideas, beliefs, emotions, or sensations that then radiate out and attract situations energetically to us that will "prove" that these old stories are still true today. These "new" situations have the same vibration of the old ideas, beliefs, emotions, or sensations and the story is then strengthened by being verified. Now being even more committed to the truth of our stories, we vibrate more of the same, attract more of the same, and a cycle of dysfunction persists and the "spell" is cast. When we share our stories with others, we use words to convey the intricate patterns and design of our particular experience. The words that we choose have the unique function of conveying to the world the power and conviction that we feel for what our story means to us. Words, along with the old ideas, beliefs, and feelings, can then carry a specific "charge" with them. IET can work at the level of cause where the initial trauma was introduced without using words that can threaten or trigger the old sensations or emotions. This also helps to avoid unnecessary confusion or confrontation that can occur when trying to navigate through a story by using words. By releasing the trauma without the drama, IET supports you in moving away from your story and into the truth: breaking the spell. Going back to the principles of Quantum Physics, we know that everything is comprised of energy. Each component of the "spell" can be addressed energetically: transforming the vibration of the stuck ideas, beliefs, emotions, or sensations from a level of dysfunction to one of true freedom or love. When the spell is broken, then we can vibrationally attract situations into our lives that radiate our inherent goodness and magnificence. Re-Balance Your Energy Whether your energy is depleted or over-stimulated, IET can effectively re-balance your energy body. Working at home or in an office, for yourself or for others, constant demands and responsibilities can lead to burnout or exhaustion. IET helps to reignite the passion, creativity, and sense of purpose that helps us thrive. Those of us who work with a high degree of public contact, such as Therapists, Nurses, Sales People, Teachers, Social Workers, or Body Workers, can sometimes accumulate "static" from being over-stimulated by the energies of the people we interact with. IET can help to dissipate this sense of overwhelm and bring us back in alignment with our own sense of Self. People who work with Technology can be sensitive to the energy of the electricity of the equipment and systems that they work with and experience an accumulation of energy that feels much like an electrical current, anxiety, or a jittery feeling. IET can help to ground and discharge this energy imbalance. Your energy body directly impacts the quality of your life. Maintenance and support of your energy body is maintenance and support of your best life! The Next Level of Energy Therapy IET is the next level of energy therapies that uses a higher vibrational energy than traditional forms. IET supports you in safely and gently releasing limiting energy patterns of your past, empowering and balancing your life in the present, and helps you to realize your dreams as you evolve into your future. How Energy Therapies Work Current research reveals that electromagnetic forces are the foundation of all life. Scientists are now proving what many Eastern medicine traditions have known for thousands of years-that our bodies not only contain "physical systems" (such as our circulatory or lymphatic systems), they are also made up of "energetic systems" that play a critical role in our health and well-being. Energy flows along prescribed pathways through our bodies much like blood moves through arteries. These pathways are recognized and actively used today in many alternative and preventive health care practices to balance and clear blockages in our energy systems: blockages that impact the way we feel physically, mentally and emotionally. How Integrated Energy Works In physical terms, health represents a condition of systems that are in perfect balance and flow: there are no constrictions, impediments, or blocks. In emotional or mental terms, health is the experience of truth, joy, and love: an expansive state of pure possibility and potential. All things are made of energy. Everything has a vibrational pattern, and these patterns can be changed. An energy block occurs when a naturally balanced energy system is flooded with negativity, trauma, distress, or fear-lowering the vibration of the energy body. By directing Integrated Energy into the energy system, the energetic imprint of a dysfunction or illness can be re-balanced-raising the vibration of the energy body and restoring the energy system back to its natural state of health and harmony. Integration Channel Diagram By scientific example: We can use water to represent the energy system, and heat to represent Integrated Energy. Water in its densest form is ice. By introducing an energy source of heat to ice, it transforms back to water. With continued heat, the water changes to steam, and ultimately vaporizes into air. Ice is transformed into air with the introduction of energy (heat)-moving from solid to light. By IET example: Using an Integration Channel® and the IET Cellular Memory Map®, the body's energy system is systematically infused with Integrated Energy. Dis-ease transforms to ease; dysfunctional feelings are transformed into feelings of harmony, joy and love; and fearful or negative thoughts are transformed into innocence, hope, and trust-moving from fear to love.

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What is Reiki?

Here is an article I wrote a couple years ago on Reiki in hospitals which explains what this form of modality is while debating Reiki in hospitals:

Reiki is a Japanese healing method consisting of channeling energy through ones hands to another human by either a certified Reiki one, two, or three practitioner or a Reiki Master. Reiki benefits anyone in need of an emotional, physical, spiritual, or mental adjustment through hands on healing. Today most hospitals consist of burnt out nurses or doctors with sick patients that need to be healed in other ways besides just conventional medicine. Not intentionally realizing it, nurses and doctors neglect patients for many reasons making them fearful in a place that is not their own. Allowing Reiki into hospitals as a mandatory practice for nurses or doctors would be a positive start to turning around the way people feel and look at hospitals. All hospitals would benefit from their nurses and doctors becoming a Reiki one practitioner because the power of touch heals not only the patient but the nurse and doctor as well.
Some may argue that using Reiki as another way of healing patients is not as effective as the traditional ways of the hospital. Not many people today have heard of this healing modality that heals with energy that surrounds us each day. Patients might question nurses or doctors about Reiki or not be open to trying something new. One might argue the point of nurses or doctors becoming Reiki practitioners because there is not enough scientific research published today to prove that Reiki works. Hospitals could ask where they would find funding to pay a Reiki Master to attune each staff member as a Reiki one practitioner. In some areas of the world, people think they can just read a book on the subject and know how to practice Reiki developing the name “hoax” for Reiki practitioners. They do not understand the true honor, responsibility and the gift that arises from becoming a practitioner.
Reiki was developed by a Buddhist monk, Dr. Mikao Usui back in the late eighteen hundreds. He spent most of his life trying to understand how Buddha and Jesus Christ physically healed others. After years of studying he decided to go to Mount Kuriyama with twenty one stones and meditate with no food or water. On the twenty first day he encountered a bright light that he mistook for a star that struck him in the forehead and knocked him unconscious. Laying there for hours he received signs of symbols and how to use each and every one of them. This bright light communicated to him that this was his answer to all his prayers. When he awoke he called this life force energy he felt Reiki. Rei means “ray of light” and Ki means “energy”. From that day on, every time he would hurt himself, he placed his hands on the affected area and cured it. He discovered healing others sometime took days, weeks, or months depending on the sickness. Before Dr. Usui died he passed on Reiki to Chijiro Hayashi who later passed it on to Hawayo Takata. Mrs. Takata learned about Reiki before she was to have surgery on her tumor, appendicitis, ulcer, and gallstones. Feeling it wasn’t right she jumped off the table and went to a Reiki clinic where she was healed in six months. Mrs. Takata became a Reiki Master in 1938 and died in 1980 after years of practicing in clinics and hospitals and teaching people Usui Reiki in Hawaii (Morris, 1999, p.10). The Reiki Alliance, a professional organization of Reiki masters, grew from twenty to almost one thousand members from 1981 to 1999 (Snyder, 2006, p.252).
Dr. Hayashi and Takata brought Reiki into the hospital of Hawaii in the early 1900’s treating patients with different acute and chronic diseases and ailments. Today some states in New England and in the western states of the country practice Reiki in their hospitals (Rand, 2008, para. 6). But there are not nearly enough throughout the rest of the United States. A
summary of Reiki studies ranging from double blind to randomize to experimental studies concluded Reiki allows a compassionate connection through touch and presence between the giver and the receiver of Reiki. The studies suggest that Reiki brings the heart back into the work of the hospital (Vitale, 2007, p. 168). Today patients in hospitals relate fear and pain to a medical setting. Touch from doctors or nurses relates to uncomfortable medical procedures. Hospitals are so busy that patients feel the people treating them are so cold and detached (Brill, 2001, p.10). By delivering more contact with the patient and their families using Reiki, develops a more positive and caring environment. Patients would feel more comforted and at ease.
The oncology, pediatric, intensive care units, trauma units, and the emergency rooms are filled with patients exceeding the period of time in hospitals. If nurses and doctors could incorporate Reiki into their daily routines with patients, they could speed up the process of healing and move them out of the hospital quicker. Reiki is great for helping patients get through the recovery of surgery plus reduce stress, depression, aches and pains. A one hundred and seventy thousand dollar study done on one hundred and eleven AIDS patients at the Albert Einstein Healthcare Network showed the group who received Reiki had increased energy and most of the patients went off their pain medications all together. None of the control group had any change (Fallik, 2006, p.2). There are many health benefits with Reiki especially with cancer patients. Reiki reduces blood pressure, aids in better sleep, boosts the immune system, reduces the side effects of drugs and chemotherapy, and calms the Nervous system (Vitale, 2007, p.168). Reiki aids in reducing fever, decreases discomfort during labor, and alleviates shock and trauma. Another study conducted with Reiki on twenty volunteers with pain in fifty five areas including cancer resulted in high reduction in pain (Brill, 2001, p.9).
Since every unit in the hospital is always overfull, the nurses are getting worn out from having to always pick up extra shifts. Studies show that nurses are leaving their professions prior to retirement these days leaving the hospitals with a shortage of nurses from rapid turnover. Nurses are stressed out from long and varied shifts not being able to handle their work load anymore (Brill, 2001, p.9). They are physically and mentally exhausted. Nurses take care of many complex patients. Over time, this weakens their ability to really treat patients the right way. According to a study done on fifteen nurses who were given Reiki treatments for six consecutive weeks based on self care offerings, concluded dramatic results in their own work ethics. They were asked to keep journals on how the treatment made them feel (Raingruber, 2007, p. 1141). Participant eight wrote in her journal, “The outside noise of the IV alarms is less grating. I spend more time noticing my patients. I pick up on how people move and interact. That’s not something I did before. In general I feel more positive about my job”. Raingruber stated, “Nurses noticed an increased ability to focus on patient’s needs and Reiki enhanced their clinical problem solving skills” (p.1142). Nurses also experienced more energy and felt grounded in their daily routines. They were more relaxed and they were able to think more clearly. Reiki also lowered their stress levels making them calmer throughout their work day (Raingruber, 2007, p1142).
The Reiki one class is a non expensive technology ranging from one hundred fifty dollars to two hundred dollars depending on the Reiki Master who trains the nurse or doctor. Finding a certified Reiki Master to teach can be found from The International Center for Reiki Training or
through the International Association of Reiki Professionals. These listings are a secure way to know you are finding the right registered Reiki Master who knows what they are doing (Rand,
2008, para. 5). If the hospital is worried about their funds they could offer the class as continuing education units for nurses and doctors.
​Most Reiki practitioners only complete level one unless they want to move up in levels to increase their flow of energy or to become a Reiki Master who teaches. Reiki one is more than enough for nurses and doctors. But if it was offered as continuing education units they might want to pursue to other levels to increase their healing ability on patients. Reiki one gives you the light of healing yourself and others. In Reiki one you learn the correct hand positions and layout of the chakra system. You learn the complete history of Reiki, the Reiki ideals, and how to prepare for a session. Reiki one teaches you the emotional sources of disease and how to relate them to the area needed to be treated (Morris, 1999, p.43). Since studies show nurses benefit from receiving Reiki in their daily lives, being a Reiki one practitioner would allow them to self heal. Snyder claims, “Reiki energy, by moving through the practitioner’s crown and out through the hands, also has positive effects on the practitioner. Reiki practitioners report feeling energized, relaxed, and more centered after performing a treatment” (p.250). Not only are they healing their patients and themselves, but this gives them an opportunity to Reiki other nurses and doctors. Sometimes nurses and doctors have short breaks and need a boost to get them through the rest of their day. Since the staff is already trained in Reiki, channeling energy from a couple of different hands at once increases the power of healing. Plus it gives nurses and doctors a chance to practice on each other becoming more experienced in treating others with Reiki.
​Dr. Mikao Usui stated in the Reiki ideals, “The secret art of inviting happiness. The miraculous medicine of all diseases. Just for today, do not anger. Do not worry and be filled with gratitude. Devote yourself to your work and be kind to people” (Morris, 1999, p.31). These
strong words define Reiki to their wholeness in proving the importance of healing someone. Certifying nurses and doctors as Reiki one practitioners really lets them heal with not just their hands but with their hearts. Reiki allows them to go home each day and feel that they made a difference in someone’s life. Knowing and holding onto this emotion brings happiness and gratitude. With Reiki your whole attitude about people and your surroundings change for the better. Placing this great life force energy into hospitals will improve not only the staff’s work ethics, but improve the patient’s outlook of how they are treated and feel. Reiki only brings positive light energy into a hospital environment with no negative dark energy. Keep in mind; humans are made up of mostly energy. When ones energy is blocked, diseases set in. Therefore hospitals need to support Reiki as being effective and in need of nurses and doctors becoming Reiki one practitioners in all hospitals to keep this beautiful energy moving freely.


Works Cited

Brill, C. & Mary K. (2001) Each moment of touch. Nursing Administration
​Quarterly, 25, 8-14.
Fallik, D. (2006, July 3) Good energy for bad: Reiki, a Japanese practice of clearing away
​negative energy, is finding acceptance in U.S. medicine. Philadelphia Inquirer, 1-3.
Morris, J. (1999) Reiki hands that heal. Boston: Weiser Books.
Raingruber, B. & Robinson, C. (2007) The effectiveness of tai chi, yoga, meditation, and
reiki healing sessions in promoting health and enhancing problem solving abilities of
registered nurses. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 28, 1141-1155.
Rand, W. L. Reiki in hospitals. (2010) Retrieved February 13, 2010 from
http://www.centerforreikiresearch.org.
Snyder, M. & Lindquist R. (2006) Complementary/Alternative Therapies in Nursing (5th ed.).
New York: Springer.
Vitale, A. (2007) An integrative review of reiki touch therapy research.
Holistic Nursing Practice, 21, 167-179.

Part of my story....

This blog is part two of around and around we go blog. Try reading that one first:)

Ok so what happened at age 25? I was thrown up against a hard brick wall outside a bar on the night of my going away party at Angelo's restaurant with all my friends right before my two month trip to Australia. I woke up the next day got on the plane to visit my sister in Ca first. I lied about the bruises all over my upper arms that she just happened to see when I wore a tank top. I flew back home a month earlier from Australia to be flung up against another blue wall with a pointy coat rack stabbing my back that was hung in my own kitchen. Then pushed down on my bed and again on my couch with possessions being thrown in the admists of all the chaotic nonsense. I for the life of me could not escape the house I lived in that night. With all my power and might I had in me I continuously shoved this thick sorry accuse for a man off of my chest. Not until the five cops arrived at my house was I saved from this drama that I was portraying. Oh no this did not stop after that night. You would think I would leave this man who layed his hands on me after I was charged for his narcotics that were present in my house. I remember for the first time in my life that night as i fell to the ground sobbing uncontrollably, I realized I needed help. I called my mother the next morning and let it out while choking on my words. My father came over and changed my locks on the door that day. But like I said, this was not the end. I saw him again and again secretly... Not until my good friend stepped in, dragged me to his home and made me end it for good with him while collecting my belongings did I wake up out of this illusion I was living in. I was not taken down to the police station that night after they accused me of the bruises on his chest but I was charged. Embarrassing Court house appointments being compared to white trash, drug classes where I learned mored about narcotics than I ever knew of, an alcoholic anonymous circle that I refused to stand up and say i was an alcoholic while repeating their prayer, community service planting a hundred tulips and washing the the church floors later did I pay my dues to have my record wiped. Then the restraining order had to come in later because he would not stop stalking me. Not only did I experience the physical abuse but I actually endured the emotional abuse. I remember him standing in my kitchen one day with my kitchen knife to his throat shouting to me he was about to kill himself. I just stood there and responded sarcastically, "Do it slit your throat"
So at this point you are either thinking I was a victim of domestic abuse or I am bruised for life in relationships or I can relate because this has happened to me. That's what I usually get from the few I tell this story.
Well the whole point of sharing this story was that I woke up, took a break for a year from dating anyone, focused on myself and visited my spiritual shop in Ct one day. I picked up a business card of a beautiful reiki master teacher and dialed her number to learn reiki one. After my one day class I was lifted to a higher calling. I walked out into the sunshine and i could breathe again. My life has never been the same since that day. I never experienced such a strong energy that moved my whole being and soul. I finally felt complete as a new person entered my being. I was lighter, happier and stronger. To go onto reiki two you need to learn how to heal yourself before you are able to heal others. Therefore I waited about a year while practicing and took the next class. After that day my intuitive abilities opened up very strongly and I was now able to help assist in healing others. Long story short, I never thought I would go to the reiki master level where you are able to teach others reiki, but after four years I took it all the way.

After I became a reiki master teacher I became an integrated energy therapist, etc etc Just read my profile on my blog and you will see my credentials and how I really moved up from that one day that changed my destiny after being lost from six months of abuse. Next blog what is Reiki? Pronounced Ray ki. No i do not use a rake:)

Around and around we go...

I just realized that in 12 days I will turn 34. I started this blog right before I turned 33 which was the year of truth symbolically. What a year of truth it has been... I laugh to myself because all I seem to do was go around and around this blog... I threw down the meaning of truth and 33 like it was my job... Then i went off track into my life story to the past poems into the present and into the future. Next blog will be about what the hell the number 34 signifies. Who am i kidding... probably in a blog or so cause I have seemed to have halted on my life story months ago and need to catch up by April 21. By the age of 34 i will quickly bring you to the here and now of my life. I will rewind back to eight years ago and fast forward to the present. If you go back many blogs to April of 2012 or if any of you have been following, I stopped on a moment of where I lost who I was in my life. I never wrote about how i became an energy healer that changed my life for the better. Why did I do that? Maybe because this is a blog where people from all over the world read it. I get hits from every dam country. Or maybe this was the time in my life where I wasn't proud of who I became. Or I think maybe you who is reading right now does not really need or want to hear this. You may be my family member, a friend, or someone who cares about me and will get upset. Or you may be thinking I am still stuck in this realm. But maybe the other person who is reading the blog does need to listen to this message that I will share. Either way this is my experience that I will bring to the table. Why? A psychic approached me last week as i was sipping on my coffee outside and after struggling with the fact that I am one too I listened to her words for an hour. She explained that I need to help people with this issue that was once presented to me. More powerfully than most people who deals with this situation, I will strongly bring forth the strength that people will be able to lean on and become the rock that they are destined to become. She is not aware of my past situation or has any clue to this six months of bullshit at the age of about 25. After carefully mediating on her words I put them all together... To be continued...

Do you dare to rise or just settle?

Another poem from long ago.... Written words once spoken...
drive the road without pokin...
With the windows down feel the breeze within your knees.
Sing with a station in tune, smile at the sun and it will laugh with you. Breathe the air and it will exhale you. Dance with the rain and will flow with you. Look up at the moon and it will brighten you. But remember to make a wish while you are gazing up. Take a picture with you heart and not your eyes. Sleep when you cannot feel your feet but beat what makes you feel deep. Sunrises and sunsets. Grasp them every chance you get.

Moon enters Aquarius (communication)

Time to get in touch with those you need to speak your voice to...
Moon entering Aquarius pushes you to let the words come from your heart and not your mind...

Believe

Majick comes from what is inside you...
It is a part of you...
You can't weave together a spell that you don't believe in...
- author unknown

Put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us..

Watch "MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS "Can't Hold Us" on Chase Jarvis LIVE" on YouTube
I wear the monster over my eardrums and drop a beat from within...
I step back three times shruggin my shoulders while swayin my hips backwards...
I drop it to the floor with my back bent forward driving my whole arms crossing ova...
One side being pulled while the other being drawn to the opposite...
I bring my stance upward one two three and shake the whole life out of me....
Close my eyes and slowly I hault my frame...
Ohhhhh....nooooooo....
Bring it back....
Left hand up... head thrown back
Yeah I can shake the little ass that I have...
Head back down left to right...
Tilt a little to the side...
I smirk over my right shoulder...
The bridge picks up the pace...
Wait wait wait... here it comes...
Right foot back Left foot forward...
Left ARM forward while right elbow back...
A little faster now...
Come on...
Move all you have...
Whole body in sync...
I am lost to the beat...
I feel everything from within....
My shadow crosses over the ceiling...

Oh wait... Gringa can dance...

Shades of Life

I was given a blank canvas to paint shades of life. Start with blue and add some white to lighten your mood. Mix a dab of green into the yellow acrylic and you have another layer blended into the white. Now add only bright yellow to your life and watch your intuition open up. Next up, splash on bold orange and I wanted to fill the whole print with that amazing color... But no we still have more layers to our lives. Green to warm our heart and then add some more blue to open our voice. Now the whole canvas is filled but not quite yet. You have the choice to lighten your shades of life with some more white. Go over each layer and focus on what needs to be adjusted. I lighten the left corners from the bottom up with more light but leave the right half bright and powerful. The tree that comes out of the canvas from the right is painted next. Notice how the branches are within the brighter colors of our lives planted to to bring life, growth and renewal. As spring approaches with new beginnings of light we bloom into a new flower as the dark has been left behind. The flower that I paint below the tree is protected by branches but beautiful inside. I was told to paint just a small couple more branches coming out of my canvas to the right but sometimes I don't follow directions in class. I attempted to draw another tree branch but at that moment as in previous painting classes I found myself inside of my paint.  I stepped out of instruction and needed to pull the end of my painting together because that funny branch that was all alone under the big tree was looking a little pathedic. Therefore a flower bud bloomed with a dab of yellow and orange in the middle surrounded with tenticles that are beginning to shed off. As they fall to the ground the flower will curve upward and bloom towards the light...
Just like the shades of our lives, we need to experience the dark in order to truly see the light that life offers to us. Sometimes we feel the colors of darkness as if we never see the light. But remember the night always turns into the day and day always turns into the night. In between you see the shades and colors of your life that you own. Remove the darkness that surrounds you and grow into the beautiful flower that you are...

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy"- Anne Frank

1111 am or pm on the dot

Lasso

Tie a lasso around my neck and choke me
Take me to the ground
Take me to the dirt
Smudge mud in my face until I taste it
Don't let me breathe
Wrap your arm around my neck and twist it
Let me see the stars
Let me blackout
Leave me there in the pouring rain
I'll wake
I'll overcome....

Poems from the past continued...

Whisper pools of thoughts into my drain
Smile unawaringly at my chin
Lividly open up my skin
Beneath the creases and down to the end
Take what is done and reach for the bend
Scaringly breathe in a little deeper
Let it flow from within
All of you...

Failed

I have to rise upon failure... and how do I just that? Hit the wall... which direction do I turn?
Boosted with determination, drained with energy... I feel the drum beating within my chest...The rythm secludes me...rise above...Anticipate...own it..ha... Laugh at it... turn around... dance to your feet....

Missing in action....

Once again I have been missing in action from my blog... Strong priorities are being addressed and I will be back soon.... Until then I have dug up poems from the past to amuse you with every day... I chose this first poem that was written seven years ago along with fate that was tattooed on my foot around the same time...Surprisingly my fate is now being brought to the surface....Love and light to all...

WE LOOK BETWEEN TWO DIFFERENT MIRRORS
Caught up in one piece of broken glass,
the other slice your image piercing back at you

WE CRAVE IN TWO ATMOSPHERES
Breathing in one moment handed to us,
the other air that slaps us in the face unexpectedly

WE LOVE IN TWO PHRASES
Enjoying the feeling that is with us now,
the other desire that opens our eyes a bit wider

WE QUESTION IN TWO INCIDENTS
Being comfortable in the present moment,
the other action that which makes us ponder

WE LIVE IN TWO BIZARRE WATERS
Holding our demeanor for the sake of it,
the other tide occurring by our own fatalism....

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. .....---

So True....

Stawberries

Fresh from the farmers market with no chemicals drenched into their tiny holes. Notice how just the leaves are torn off? I did not gut the whole stem. Why? All of the phytochemicals are in the top of the strawberry. See the white part at the top? That is where all the magic lays....

Numb- No Stop, Pause or Rewind but push Play

I have not written on here in awhile because in the beginning of the New year after my last written blog I thought I finally had it all figured out. All the power and strength I brought forth to bring me to stand and not fall down to my knees and crumble to the cold floor, I over came. At least I thought... But not until my best friend tapped into my heart with needles did I realize that I was just numb. That afternoon on the table I walked out of the room not thinking anything of her treatment. As the day went on, all of a sudden I fell back into my skin and into my soul. To my surprise I was no longer in sync with my routine. I felt anger towards stupid people and fear reside in my chest from getting closer to beautiful people. I started wanting to condole people I have neglected who needed a hug as I felt their sadness. I didn't know what to do with these strong emotions. You mean i am no longer able to block out that slap in the face that stung for a quick second. I didn't realize I was suppressing any feeling I had with every human being I came in contact with. All of a sudden I was awaken in the present moment to be receptive to how others made me feel. Therefore in the last month prior to her treatment I was not able to write. In some ways I just thought I was at more peace with myself, busy with my hectic schedule and thought one morning or night I would blog again. I kept waiting for the right moment to come to me but it never did. So tonight I blog to you because another friend told me today, "to get over your fears you just need to face them and they will no longer be." So what are my fears???

I fear patterns... I repeat the same cycle and expect different results. I fear i know what my patterns are... I go over them but find it hard to stop them or figure them out. I fear I have to keep experiencing the same dam cycles over and over until I learn the lesson... Really!!! how much karma do I have? I fear I may just start accepting what is given to me...When I am continuously broken I start to know no difference. I fear being too forward... I open my mouth and speak what is on my mind openly and clearly but am too much to handle. I fear I do not speak enough... I choose the wrong words out of haste. I fear being vulnerable...I let it down and give of myself to only be brought back up to a standing position. I fear I might give up too easily out of fear... Or people may give up on me too quickly and let go. I fear I may cross the fine line I walk on... I might stumble in the wrong direction and not be able to get back on my path. I fear being stuck... I fear dropping my guard down... I fear wearing my heart on my sleeve... I fear that life gets too hard some time and will never give me a break... I fear I fear telling you that I am fearful right now... I will write these words down and show the world my secrets.

But it's ok as I laugh under my breath because I do not fear what you may think of me. Now I know I have just contradicted myself. I say I fear telling the world my secrets but as I reread my fears I have just expressed, I no longer fear them in my heart. Almost like I was in a booth at church repenting my sins to be able to feel again and be freed. Now go say three Hail Marys and five Our Fathers and you will be forgiven and fear will begone...

We all have fears but do you acknowledge them? Try writing them down to bring them into your awareness. It may feel hard at first but you do not need to blog them to the whole wide world for people to read like I am doing. Lol Sit in a quiet place, lay down on your floor, go outside or put your headphones to your eardrums in the dark as I do, pick up your pen and paper and write drastically down your fears. As you go over what holds you back through fear, they will be placed in your past and will no longer serve you. Your mind will feel clearer, your voice will become a little louder and you will be free. You will rewind your tape player, listen to your music you created and then fast forward. Now stop on your favorite track. Music is what feelings sound like........It's only when you hit pause you no longer feel...When you hit stop you fear...Rewind and you are not sure or confident about yourself... But when you hit play you will own your life and then own it a little more...Go on go do it...what is holding you back? Fast forward to where you need to be...FEARLESS.....

Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.....---

Most people want to be the sun to brighten up your day. But I would rather be the moon that shines down on you in your darkest hour .....---

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle......Albert Einstein

Why does a 35 year old woman go to sleep at 9?

U2- WINDOW IN THE SKY

The shackles are undone, the bullets quit the gunThe heat that’s in the sun will keep us when there’s noneThe rule has been disproved, the stone it has been movedThe grave is now a groove, all debts are removed
Oh can’t you see what love has done?Oh can’t you see what love has done?Oh can’t you see what love has done?What it’s done to me?
Love makes strange enemies, makes love where love may pleaseThe soul and its striptease, hate brought to its kneesThe sky over our head, we can reach it from our bedYou let me in your heart and out of my head, head
Oh can’t you see what love has done?Oh can’t you see what love has done?Oh can’t you see what love has done?What it’s done to me?
Oh oh oh ohOh oh oh ohPlease don’t ever let me out of you
I’ve got no shame, oh no, oh no
Oh can’t you see what love has done?Oh can’t you see?Oh can’t you see what love has done?What it’s doing to me?
(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)I know I hurt you and I made you cryDid everything but murder you and I(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)But love left a window in the skies(What it’s doing to me?)And to love I rhapsodize
(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)To every broken heart(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)For every heart that cries(Oh can’t you see what love has done?)Love left a window in the skies(What it’s doing to me?)And to love I rhapsodize
Oh can’t you see?